rollercoaster riding

for some reason, this blog sucks the sense of humor out of my writing. *slurp* so i might as well be serious on it.

i had all sorts of scenarios of various life crises running through my head on my commute home from work today. i guess it started with the talk of my mom's brain tumor. seems that her optic chiasm is just a breeding ground for quickly-growing non-cancerous meningiomas. she's had two surgeries already, one in 1997 and one in 2004. both times, she survived and recovered, and her sight was almost completely restored, ptl.

but there isn't a lot of confidence this time... she's older... they've opened her skull up twice already... she's lost a larger chunk of her field of vision this time in a shorter span of time. there are a lot of things going against her case.

i also just got news that i might be able to finally leave for Kenya mid-September. total elation. i want to go so badly that i can feel it in my bones. i'm ready.

so what now? what is my role? am i to stay here even longer? am i to help run her business, or do they just close down? will she end up going blind? will she recover? will i ever get to go, or will i just stay here and grow old in Maryland? will i ever be able to date like a normal person? (relationships are always on my mind.) what is God calling me to do right now?

life is full of ups and downs. this heart can barely handle it... actually, at this point, just throw in a couple more huge life changes. it couldn't make too much of a difference. there is no spoon.

lovelove,
me