"eet ees not a tumah"

Dr. Neurosurgeon went over mom's MRI scan and the previously-existing, tiny tumor that we had been watching (and had immediately blamed for the impaired vision) has not grown in the past two years. so we don't think we need brain surgery, yay! *big sigh of relief*

but now, on to the next problem: how can we explain (and treat) the blurry tunnel vision? we will have to wait and see. *shrug* i just thought i'd update this in the very slim chance someone read the last entry and began to get worried.

rollercoaster riding

for some reason, this blog sucks the sense of humor out of my writing. *slurp* so i might as well be serious on it.

i had all sorts of scenarios of various life crises running through my head on my commute home from work today. i guess it started with the talk of my mom's brain tumor. seems that her optic chiasm is just a breeding ground for quickly-growing non-cancerous meningiomas. she's had two surgeries already, one in 1997 and one in 2004. both times, she survived and recovered, and her sight was almost completely restored, ptl.

but there isn't a lot of confidence this time... she's older... they've opened her skull up twice already... she's lost a larger chunk of her field of vision this time in a shorter span of time. there are a lot of things going against her case.

i also just got news that i might be able to finally leave for Kenya mid-September. total elation. i want to go so badly that i can feel it in my bones. i'm ready.

so what now? what is my role? am i to stay here even longer? am i to help run her business, or do they just close down? will she end up going blind? will she recover? will i ever get to go, or will i just stay here and grow old in Maryland? will i ever be able to date like a normal person? (relationships are always on my mind.) what is God calling me to do right now?

life is full of ups and downs. this heart can barely handle it... actually, at this point, just throw in a couple more huge life changes. it couldn't make too much of a difference. there is no spoon.

lovelove,
me

she made me do it

if you've known me long enough, you've seen my bad side. it's the side that's a total itch, with a capital "B". through the years, and striving to be more like Jesus, i've practiced keeping that side of myself at bay. but some people. some people can bring her out. *shaking head*

it's definitely a pet peeve of mine when strangers are rude to me right off the bat. as if they feel entitled to treat everyone around them with disrespect and sassy attitude. bah. i just don't like it. working in the wig business, i tend to see many more of these sorts of people than my fair share. up until today, by the love of God, i've been able to keep it together and still speak to such folks with a gentle, polite calmness. but today, i lost it. i won't tell you what she was like, but somehow, this customer conjured up this yucky me in just a few moments. i'd almost forgotten that this steely, logical, fierce, i-don't-care-about-your-feelings, i-will-tear-you-down-and-win-this-argument-and-dance-on-your-foolish-face helen existed. this side of me that should be feared. ROAR.

the customer left in a huff after talking to this helen. i hope she doesn't sue us or something. this is what you call a bad day at work, i think. i need to pray just to make it today.

lovelove,
a girl in need of grace